why do you have this effect on me? why would you be in my dreams, let alone her too?
i thought i have already accepted the fact that you will never be mine... and to add more to the hurt, a creature from whatever planet, got your attention... a lot of times, i wanted to confront you about this issue. i wanted to yell at your face and tell you, I AM JEALOUS! but then, reality kicks in. in the first place, you were never mine. i was never yours. we might have said the eight-letter word often before. we might have really meant it before. but now, i'm not even sure. you greeted me, "happy 3rd" when i'm not even sure if we really are happy. you said you don't want to lose your friendship with me when i thought we didn't have it in the first place. i have ONLY that to offer at first. but after making me realize that we should give in to what we have been feeling (me falling to your sweet words), i thought we had something special. well, i guess we did. i have given in to what i already know was wrong. and it was to the point that something has to happen. this might have been the reason why some self-righteous people went ballistic when they have sensed there really was something going on. it had been a big deal with me that people knew about it. as much as possible, i don't want anybody to know. i remember telling you, "it's fine as long as we're discreet." even if you didn't like the idea, you agreed. being the same self-righteous person that i have been, what other people thought about something like this bothered me, big time! people would tease about knowing that something was going on, but i kept on denying it. even if i knew it had hurt you. it just didn't feel right that i'd be proud to say, i am yours and you are mine when we both knew that we are committed to other people. i would tell you how much i miss you (and God knows i do... til now) and you would tell me you do, too.
now, i have decided to break it up with you since it won't make any more sense to say we're still together when we never were. don't get me wrong though... i have loved you... i did... after i did, it felt as if you never loved me... seriously... it had made me feel a whole lot better...
people around me have said, "why him? you've had better." i guess i wouldn't know. because i have chosen not knowing. a close friend even mentioned that i am a bright girl... that i shouldn't let things like this happen to me... being a very hard-headed individual that i am, i didn't listen. i went on even if i already knew it's not going anywhere...
i know you would say i am bitter... maybe i am... maybe... but as i would often say, i wish you good health and good riddance.
