the "jump"

i was told of a lot of stories about what i would expect when i start training for BST. that i would have to jump off as high as 10 to 12-storey building to 10 to 15-foot deep water. it was a very upsetting thought for me, since i am acrophobic and claustrophobic. at first i thought, i never really taken into consideration that it could be an experience that could change my perception toward people who work literally AT SEA.

it has been one crazy yet fulfilling experience...

addicted...

for the past couple of weeks, i have been addicted to an online game known as Cafe World. this is where you would have to virtually cook dishes - from your home-cooked favorites to never-heard-of-that-food-before meals. missions are endless, if i may say... i saw one profile and he was at level 199... hehehehe well, i kept on saying i will be writing again soon... but i guess, "cooking" comes in first. ;)

WIN... (and I will...)

Dark is the night
I can weather the storm
Never say die
I’ve been down this road before

I’ll never quit
I’ll never lay down
See I promised myself I would never let me down

(chorus)
So I’ll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I’ll never fade
I’ll just get up and try again
Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There’s much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I’m not looking for a place ashore
I’m gonna win

Won’t stop me now
There’s still a ways to go
Some way somehow
Whatever it takes I know

I’ll never quit
I’ll never go down
I’ll make sure they remember my name 100 years from now

(chorus)

When it’s all said and done
My once in a lifetime won’t be back again
Now is the time, for me to stand
Here is my chance, that’s why i

(chorus)

masakit pala...

alam ko kelangan intindihin kita... alam ko kelangan kita i-let go... pero bakit ang hirap? bakit kahit sabihin ko sa sarili kong tama ang desisyon mong ito e bakit hindi ko pa din maintindihan? may nagawa ba akong mali?

makailang ulit ko mang isipin at pilit intindihin pero bakit hindi ko kaya?

kahit ilang beses mo na pinaramdam sa akin na i dont deserve you, bakit gusto ko ikaw pa din? masyado din ba akong naging kampante na nandyan ka lang? masyado ba akong naging kampante na iniisip mo din ako?

hindi ko lubos maisip na posible palang mangyari to. oo, inaamin ko... dati tinangka kong gawin to seio... inisip kong mas makakabuting maghiwalay na lang pero seio pa din ako bumabalik... ikaw pa din ang hinahanap ko... madaming taong dumaan sa buhay ko na nagpakita ng motibo... nag-give in ako kasi akala ko mas mapapabilis ang gusto kong gawin... pero kahit pagbali-baligtarin ko man, ikaw pa rin talaga...

sana pinatay mo na lang ako... :(

bagong bahay...

new blog spot... kijalicious.tumblr.com...

ang pagbangon...

gusto ko manuod ulit ng miss you like crazy... feeling ko ako na talaga si mia samonte... hehehehe hindi dahil sa kung ano pa mang rason pero dahil malapit ko na din suungin ang mundo ng hotel management... oo, kelangan kong magsimula sa pinakababa... pero i am thinking it is worth the trouble... i understand that this is going to be a new endeavor for me... and i am so ready to face the challenges this new thing would pose... isa lang ang hinihiling ko... Lord, guide me through all these... i lift everything to You! :)

apektado?!?

why do you have this effect on me? why would you be in my dreams, let alone her too?

i thought i have already accepted the fact that you will never be mine... and to add more to the hurt, a creature from whatever planet, got your attention... a lot of times, i wanted to confront you about this issue. i wanted to yell at your face and tell you, I AM JEALOUS! but then, reality kicks in. in the first place, you were never mine. i was never yours. we might have said the eight-letter word often before. we might have really meant it before. but now, i'm not even sure. you greeted me, "happy 3rd" when i'm not even sure if we really are happy. you said you don't want to lose your friendship with me when i thought we didn't have it in the first place. i have ONLY that to offer at first. but after making me realize that we should give in to what we have been feeling (me falling to your sweet words), i thought we had something special. well, i guess we did. i have given in to what i already know was wrong. and it was to the point that something has to happen. this might have been the reason why some self-righteous people went ballistic when they have sensed there really was something going on. it had been a big deal with me that people knew about it. as much as possible, i don't want anybody to know. i remember telling you, "it's fine as long as we're discreet." even if you didn't like the idea, you agreed. being the same self-righteous person that i have been, what other people thought about something like this bothered me, big time! people would tease about knowing that something was going on, but i kept on denying it. even if i knew it had hurt you. it just didn't feel right that i'd be proud to say, i am yours and you are mine when we both knew that we are committed to other people. i would tell you how much i miss you (and God knows i do... til now) and you would tell me you do, too.

now, i have decided to break it up with you since it won't make any more sense to say we're still together when we never were. don't get me wrong though... i have loved you... i did... after i did, it felt as if you never loved me... seriously... it had made me feel a whole lot better...

people around me have said, "why him? you've had better." i guess i wouldn't know. because i have chosen not knowing. a close friend even mentioned that i am a bright girl... that i shouldn't let things like this happen to me... being a very hard-headed individual that i am, i didn't listen. i went on even if i already knew it's not going anywhere...

i know you would say i am bitter... maybe i am... maybe... but as i would often say, i wish you good health and good riddance.